


Don't Dream It's Over

by hannakin



Category: SKAM (Norway)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff, Gen, Getting Back Together, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-19
Updated: 2019-03-29
Packaged: 2019-09-23 01:05:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 11,696
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17070575
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hannakin/pseuds/hannakin
Summary: “Hi…” Isak said faintly as he fought to stay awake.“Hey…” Even said, throat thick, and tears brimming his eyes.“You came back,” Isak said with a small smile.“Yeah…” Even said. “I did.”A new chance at life for Isak and a new shot at love for them that Even is not going to waste. Not this time around.A sequel/alternative ending to "I'll be right beside you" with a happier ending.





	1. January

**Author's Note:**

> 16 years ago I said I was going to write a sequal with a happier ending to my fic "I'll be right beside you" since the epilogue was very sad. And now I've managed to write the first chapter. 
> 
> This won't make any sense if you've not read the first chapter (Just the first as the second is an epilogue/alternative ending) of "I'll be right beside you" so I recommend you do that before reading this one. Our you could just read this without knowing the background. Noone can stop you :) 
> 
> This won't be as sad. That is a promise. It will be about life and love but me being me I'll throw some angst into the mix too. But no deaths and no heartbreaks! It will probably have six chapters in total but I can't promise when I'll be able to update. I'm busy with uni and by big bang fic but I'll try.

-January-

He felt tears in his eyes as he looked at his phone but was quick to wipe them away as a few of his students walked past him. He waited until the corridor was empty to sink down on the floor defeatedly.  

They hadn’t expected Isak to live past Christmas but he had. That was their miracle. Isak had slept through the fireworks celebrating the new year but he had woken up the next day. The chances of Isak getting a heart transplant in the last minute were slim. It would take another miracle but there was still a chance. There was still hope and Even would cling to the last piece of hope. His fingers shook badly as he unlocked the phone and pressed call. His heart beat frantically in his chest as the panic inside him grew while he waited for Jonas to pick up. He closed his eyes, bit his lip, clenched his fist and silently prayed for another miracle. 

-

He landed in Oslo a few hours later and this time Eskild picked him up. He stood in the arrivals looking tired and worn down and as he spotted Even coming out of the baggage claim area he gave a slight wave. Even pulled his suitcase behind him as he walked towards the other man. Eskild was quick to draw him into a hug and Even could feel the other man clutch him tightly, his fists clenching through Even’s thick coat. 

“Hey,” Eskild said quietly. 

“Hi,” Even answered. “Thank you for picking me up.”

Eskild smiled tightly. 

“Don’t worry about it. Jonas would have wanted to pick you up but...you know…”

Even nodded quietly as he two of them walked towards the exit in silence. Eskild had parked close to the arrivals entrance on the 15 minute park. 

“How was the flight?” Eskild asked.

“Good,” Even said. 

“That’s good,” Eskild mumbled. “How long are you staying?”

Eskild glanced at the huge suitcase Even was pulling and Even shook his head.

“I don’t know, honestly,” Even said, thinking that after everything he was not sure he was going to be able to leave Oslo again

Eskild nodded as he unlocked his car and opened the booth for Even to put his suitcase in. Then the two of them started their journey back to Oslo. Even turned on his phone in the car, checking for messages but no one had tried to contact him since he left Copenhagen a few hours ago. 

“So…” he said after several minutes of heavy silence. 

His throat felt dry and his heart was beating nervously in his chest. The butterfly danced in his stomach in an unpleasant and unsettling way. 

“Any news?” 

Eskild shook his head and focused on the road ahead of him. 

“It’s going to be a while,” he said. “He’s going to be in surgery for a while.”

“And Jonas?”

“A mess,” Eskild said. “These past days have been a lot. Preparing for Isak to pass and now this. It should feel like a miracle but the surgery is complicated and major and Isak barely got the clear to go through it. His body is weak and he might not even survive it. Jonas is trying to be hopeful, we all are. It’s just that we need to be prepared for the worst. That Isak could still die.”

Even nodded and bit his lip. It felt cruel that this was all hey got. Hope that was so frail that they were barely able to hang on to it. So fragile that not even Jonas dared to hold on to it. But Even clung on to it as if his life depended on it.

_ “Is Isak dead?” _

_ “No! We are at the hospital. They have found a doner and they just took him to surgery.” _

_ “That’s amazing!” _

_ “It’s a miracle,” Jonas said. “But Even?”  _

_ Something didn’t feel right. _

_ “What?” _

_ “He could still die. We could still lose him!” _

_ Even refused to hear it as he got up from the floor and hurried down the corridor out to his car.  _

_ “I’ll be right there, Jonas!” he said. _

_ He called his mother on his way home and told her to book him a ticket to Oslo while he packed his bags.  He left his apartment in a taxi half an hour later. _

“Jonas asked me to pick up a few things on the way back. Is it okay if we stop by his and Isak’s apartment before going to the hospital?” 

Even was pulled back from his own thoughts by Eskild and as he focused on the road again he realised that they were almost there. To be honest he wanted to go straight to the hospital because he didn’t want to wait another minute to be with Isak but chances where that Isak wasn’t even out of surgery yet. So another 20 minutes would hardly make a difference. 

“Okay,” he said and picked up his phone from his pocket again. 

This time he had a unread message from his mother asking him if the flight had gone okay and to let her know as soon as there was news on Isak. Even sent a quick reply that he would and put his phone back into his pocket and leaned against the headrest. He felt restless and anxious and couldn’t stop thinking about Isak lying on that operating table with his chest wide open. Even had spent most of the flight reading about heart transplants because this time he wanted to be prepared he wanted to be able to know what the doctors were talking about and what to expect from the surgery and the aftermath of it. 

He knew it was serious and that it wasn’t like when Isak had his appendix removed at 19. As scared as Even had been back then while waiting for Isak’s surgery to be done he knew that this time it was going to be even worse. For everyone involved. This wasn’t  like when Even had screws put in in his arms after breaking it at 13. Hell, Even had even been awake for that surgery. This was completely different. 

“We are here,” Eskild pointed out as he stopped the car and once again Even was interrupted from his own deep thoughts. 

They were back at Isak’s and Jonas building. 

“Do you want to wait here or? It won’t take more than a few minutes,” Eskild asked. 

Even shook his head. He had to move or else he was going to crawl out of his skin. Sitting on the plane had been bad enough for his nerves. As Eskild unlocked the door and the two of them stepped inside Even was hit with all sorts of memories. It stilled smelled the same in here and all the familiar scents brought Even back to when he had first stepped inside. 

While Eskild immediately went to Jonas bed room to fetch Jonas’ things, Even strolled through the empty apartment. It was a weird feeling being here and it being so quiet. There was dirty dishes standing on the counter when Even peeked inside and the living room was messy. On his way back to the hallway Even peeked inside Isak’s rom. It mostly looked the same from the last time Even had been there but Isak’s bed had been swapped for a hospital bed, the head raised to a sitting position and the fluffy duvet thrown to the side. Without thinking Even took a few steps into the room and stood in front of the bed. He closed his eyes and inhaled the familiar smells. 

_ “I’m sorry,” Isak said. “I shouldn’t have kissed you. I’m really sorry-“ _

_ Even took Isak’s hand again in order to stop Isak from pushing away from Even. _

_ “Isak,” he said calmly. “It’s okay!” _

_ Isak shook his head. _

_ “It is not,” he whispered. “You are…it was stupid of me. I just wanted. I just wanted to kiss you one last time. I just wanted you to be my last kiss. _

Suddenly Even felt overwhelmed with memories of the nights he spend curled up at Isak’s side in this very room. Nights where he would sleep close to Isak’s neck, his nose poking into Isak’s hair and arms wrapped around Isak’s body. He remembered Isak’s coughs and raspy breaths that scared Even shitless but most of it he remembered how it felt to have Isak back in his arms right where he belonged. Because that is what it had felt like. Like Isak belonged in Even’s arms and Even could not let go yet. Isak had to hold on because Even didn’t want to let go. 

When Even opened his eyes again and turned around  he found Eskild standing behind him in the doorway. 

“Are you ready to go?” he asked with a sad smile. “I’ve got everything.” 

Even nodded. He couldn’t wait to leave this place. 

-

It took them a while to find Jonas in the waiting room for the OR but when they did, Even could hardly recognise thim and if Eskild had looked bad it was nothing compared to Jonas. He was a shell of his former self. He looked skinny and frail and exhausted. Like he hadn’t slept or ate in days. He probably hadn’t, Even realised as he hurriedly made his way over to Jonas. 

Jonas hugged him desperately and Even hugged him back just as tightly. When they finally let go of each other Jonas let out a shaky breath that sounded more like a sob. And as he sank down on his chair again the exhaustion became even more evident.

“Are there any news yet?” Eskild said. 

“No, not yet. They said it normally takes around four to five hours but with complications it can take longer,” Jonas answered quietly. “I just wish they could tell me if he is even alive.” 

Eskild smiled gently and rubbed Jonas shoulder. 

“If something would have happened we would have known,” he said. “Everything is going to be okay,” he continued firmly and nodded as if to convince both himself and the others. 

Even checked his own wrist watch. It had been almost five hours since he talked to Jonas which meant that Isak had been in surgery for a little less. Barring any complications Isak should be done soon. He refused to believe that something bad was going to happen. He wouldn’t allow it. 

“Where is Terje?” Eskild asked and Even realised that Isak’s dad was missing. 

“He had to take a break,” Jonas said. “I think he went to find something to eat and give Marianne’s group home a call.” 

Even sat down next to Jonas but Eskild remained standing. He restlessly bounced his leg and kept glancing towards the corridor in hopes of any news. Nurses and doctors kept walking down the corridor but no one seemed interested in telling them anything. Terje arrived a short while later, looking just as worn down and tired as Eskild and Jonas but he smiled towards Even before he offered Jonas and Eskild a cup of coffee each. 

“It’s good to see you again,” he said and awkwardly offered his hand for Even to shake.

Terje had never been the most affectionate person so this was probably what he thought was appropriate for the situation. Even soundlessly shook the older man’s hand. 

“I know it means a lot to Isak that you are here,” Terje continued. “That you are taking some time off to see him again.” 

Even didn’t tell him that he had taken more than “some” time off and that he didn’t even plan on returning to Copenhagen anytime soon. He just smiled tiredly. 

It took another hour until a middle aged woman walked towards them and gestured towards Jonas to draw his attention. Jonas flew up from his seat instantly and ran towards her. Eskild and Terje were almost as fast from their standing position and Even found himself trailing behind slightly. 

“The surgeon is finishing up the surgery as we speak.” she started with a calm, comforting smile. “There were some complications along the way which is why it took a little longer. They had some trouble getting the donor heart to start beating but it is working now and so far things look okay. It should be another 30 minutes or something before they are moving him to recovery and then to the ICU. The surgeon will want to speak to you as soon as the surgery is done but I wanted to give you an update.” 

Even felt a little lost as he heard Terje greet the woman next to them and saw Eskild and Jonas embrace each other. It wasn’t until he felt Eskild draw him into a hug that he realised what had happened. Isak was alive. He was still with them and his new heart was working. 

Eskild had tears in his eyes once he pulled away from Even and looked at him with the happiest look on his face and next to them Terje and Jonas were clinging to each other. It felt like a huge weight had dropped from Even’s shoulder as he hugged Jonas. 

“Fuck,” Jonas whispered into his ear and a second later he was crying in Even’s arms.

“It’s going to be okay,” Even answered, “Isak is going to be okay,”

-

Two hours later Even was getting ready to see Isak who had been transferred from the recovery to the ICU where he would be kept in a private, sterile room. Jonas and Terje had talked to the surgeon who had informed them about the procedure and what to expect from now on. Eskild and Even had taken the time to go to the nearest McDonald’s to buy some food since the only one who had eaten during the last 6 hours was Terje. Even felt a little helpless as he was sent buying food instead of talking to the surgeon but once Jonas gave him the basic recap of what had been said he felt glad he hadn’t. The little research he had done on the plane ride did not make him feel less overwhelmed. There were so many things that could still go wrong. Isak would remain on a ventilator until he could breathe on his own. Likey for at least twelve hours and even after that Isak would not be out of the woods. Jonas explained the risk of infections, strokes, kidney failure, graft failure and of course rejection. Even didn’t understand it all but he got the message clearly: Isak could still die. Surviving the transplant itself was just one step of many. 

As he got dressed in a protective gown and mask and scrubbed his hands like the nurse had instructed he couldn’t help but feel a little hopeless. Eskild was getting ready next to him in silence. He looked pale and nervous and his hands shook badly as he got dressed. Jonas nd Terje had already gone in to Isak’s isolated room and Even felt grateful that he got to go in with Eskild instead of Terje. 

“You ready?” Eskild asked once it was their turn. 

Even nodded and the nurse next to him smiled encouragingly. 

“It will be okay,” she said gently. “It might look scary because there are so many machines and monitors but they are all there to help him and he is doing very well.”

As Jonas and Terje approached them on the other side of the door, both with tears in their eyes Even took a deep, steadying breath. Next to him Eskild grabbed his arm with his gloved hand. The nurse continued smiling as she led them inside. Eskild’s grasp on him tightened as they got closer, nails digging into Even’s skin. 

The nurse was kind and sympathetic and took to explaining everything that was going on to a surprisingly quiet Eskild who just nodded along. Even was entirely focused on Isak in front of him and couldn’t hear a thing of what she was saying. Isak looked just as bad has he had a couple of months ago when Even had last rushed to see him. It was impossible to imagine that this was supposed to be Isak recovering.

The nurse left them alone for a few minutes and Even watched Eskild confidently take Isak’s hand in his but he found himself feeling unsure what to do. He wanted to hold Isak’s hand so badly but maybe he shouldn’t. Maybe Isak’s hand wasn’t his to hold? It had been different last time when they had said goodbye to each other thinking it was going to be forever. It had made Even feel braver. Eskild were watching him from where he stood on the opposite side of the bed and Even knew he was smiling behind the mask. 

 

“You should hold his hand,” he said. “He’d like that. I know he would.” 

So Even did. He held Isak’s hand in his as soon as he was allowed to be with Isak in his room and when Isak woke up a day later Even was right there next to him. 

“Hi…” Isak said faintly as he fought to stay awake. 

“Hey…” Even said, throat thick, and tears brimming his eyes. 

“You came back,” Isak said with a small smile.

“Yeah…” Even said. “I did.”

-

Isak was moved from the ICU a couple of days later when he was a little bit stronger. It meant that Isak’s friends and family could come and go as they wanted without the restricted visiting hours of the ICU. Even spent as much time as he could at the hospital along with Jonas, Terje and Eskild. While the others had work and school to attend Even brought his computer with him to Isak’s room so he could work while Isak slept. He didn’t have much to do but he had just left everything behind him when he travelled to Oslo and realistically he knew he would have to return to Copenhagen at least temporarily. It was there in the back of his mind as he sat waiting for Isak to wake up from his nap. Isak looked so much better now a few days after his surgery and while he was in a lot of pain most of the time Even could tell that Isak was feeling better and healthier than he had in a long time. So far everything had gone as well as could be expected and the more days that past the more Even felt himself relax, And the more awkward things became between them. 

Because they had so much time together just the two of them it was hard not to notice the tension between them at times. They hadn’t talked about what had happened before christmas, when they had kissed and shared a bed. They hadn’t gone past holding hands but they did that alot. Even wondered if it made Isak’s new heart beat as fast as it made Even’s. 

“Even?” 

Even looked up from the computer and saw that Isak was awake in the bed. He was dressed in one of Even’s hoodies and a pair of his own pyjama pants.

“Hi…” Even said and put his computer to the side so he could lean closer. “Is everything okay? Do you need more pain medication?” 

“No…” Isak said and moved his hand so that his palm was facing the ceiling, singalsing for  Even to take his hand. “I’m fine… I just…” 

Isak looked down at their now joint hand and Even followed his gaze, feeling Isak squeeze extra hard. 

“I just want you close to me…” Isak said barely audible but Even’s heart somersaulted in his chest. “I know we’ve not talked and maybe you don’t feel anything anymore because I’m not dying and maybe you are going to go back to Copenhagen really soon. I wouldn’t blame you but you are still here and I can’t stop thinking about you and-”

Even interrupted Isak’s rambling by leaning forward and pressing his lips on Isak’s. Isak Gasped in surprise as Even moved to cup Isak’s face. When they moved apart Isak was smiling again. 

“I probably shouldn’t have kissed you…” Even mumbled. “I don’t want you to catch a cold or something.” 

Isak continued to smile. 

“But I can’t stop thinking that I want to be with you and that I don’t want to go back to Copenhagen,” Even confessed. 

The two of them sat in silence for a few moment, just looking each other in the eye, hands still clutching each other. It was Isak that was brave enough to break the silence.

“Even?”

“Yeah, Isak!”

“Can you just lie next to me?” 

Even laughed.

“Yeah of course I can,” Even said. 

Isak scooted over to the side of the bed with a pained grimace on his face but managed to leave some room for Even. Even lay down next to him careful not to jostle him. 

“Just don’t put pressure on my chest,” Isak mumbled as Even settled next to him and carefully put an arm around Isak’s shoulders.

It wasn’t the most comfortable position but next to Isak it didn’t matter if his back was going to ache. He let Isak lean his head against his shoulder and pressed another kissed to Isak’s forehead. 

“Please don’t leave,” Isak mumbled after a little while. “I don’t want you to leave.”

“I’m not,” Even promised. 

20 minutes later Isak had fallen asleep in his arms and Even had no plans on moving from his spot on Isak’s bed. He had no plans on ever leaving Isak’s side again. 

 -


	2. February

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 2 is finally here! I really felt like writing something today and it ended up being this. It's not been beta'd so please bear with me. I'll read it through tomorrow again and do a spell and grammar check.
> 
> Thank you so much for the response the last chapter! I'm so glad you are enjoying it so far! I'm relly excited to make this story into a happy ending :)

** From Eskild **

**Hi! I was thinking**  
**I’d step by around lunch**  
**before work? Does that**  
**work?**

Even read the text from Eskild as he returned to the living room. Isak was still napping on the couch and hadn’t move since Even left the room to do some laundry and clean up in the kitchen. Even watched the movements of his chest as it moved up and down underneath the blanket as he sat down next to him on the couch. He was tempted to wake Isak up just because he missed him so much already, but he let him sleep. If Isak hadn’t woken up by the time for lunch he would wake him up then.

 **To Eskild**  
**Yeah, of course!**  
**Isak is asleep but I’m**  
**planning on waking**  
**him up anyway**  
**before then. Just come by**!

Isak had been home from the hospital for a few weeks now. He had gotten stronger every day and the last week in the hospital had been focused on physical therapy and Isak learning of to take care of his new heart in the best way possible. As promised Even had spent as much time as he could next to Isak. He had listened to the doctor’s and physical therapists’ instructions carefully and watched how they worked to help Isak regain his strength again. They had spent countless of hours together on Isak’s bed while everyone else was busy at work or at uni and Even had afforded himself to take a break from his own work. He had done a little bit of work on his computer but had soon realised that all he wanted to do was spend his time with Isak. In the back of his head he knew he would have to get back to reality soon though, and for that to happen he had to go back to Copenhagen. At least temporary. At least to sell the apartment and sort out a few things.

He wasn’t keen on leaving though. Isak still had weekly checks up to attend as well as physical therapy and even if Isak was fine with going by himself Even needed to be there if something happened. There was always this fear in the back of his head that something was going to happen to Isak if he left his side.

So, he kept postponing his trip to Copenhagen even know when Isak had been discharged from the hospital and back home for two weeks. The improvement of Isak’s health was enormous, from not being able to stay awake to take short walks around the block. The oxygen tank and hospital bed had been returned to the hospital along with all the other medical equipment and Isak’s room which was now their room felt more like his own and not an extension of the hospital which it had been just before the transplant. Even planned to redecorate the room for Isak and had secretly spent some time browsing the internet for new pillows, curtains and sheets. Hopefully he would be able to have an hour or two when Isak went to one of his appointments. He and Jonas mostly took turns taking Isak there since Isak was not allowed to drive yet. Between the two of them and Eskild they made sure that Isak was never alone.

Jonas had classes to attend a few days a week but studied at home most of the time. Eskild came over every day as well to check on Isak and allow Even to run errands or go to grocery store. Jonas was home on most nights but on a few occasions Isak was able to convince him to stay at his girlfriend’s house. Those nights were Even’s favourites.

Isak stirred next to him and opened his eyes. He looked over at Even and smiled as he fumbled with the blanket and sat up on the couch slowly.

“Hi!” he said.

“Hey,” Even said. “Sleep well?”

Isak nodded and yawned.

“I was going to make us lunch,” Even continued. “Do you want to help?”

“Yeah, okay,” Isak said and moved closer to Even. “Not yet though. Can’t we just stay here for a little while?”

Even held out his arm and let Isak curl against his side.

“Yeah of course,” he said. “Eskild is coming over for lunch by the way. He wanted to see you before work.”

Isak smiled.

The two of them cuddled on the couch for another 20 minutes before they moved to the kitchen to make lunch. Isak’s appetite had returned since coming home from the hospital and he was no longer super thin even if he still had a few more kilos to gain before he hit is target weight. They tried to eat healthy all of them but Even hated the idea of ISak feeling like he couldn’t eat good things because of his heart so always tried to make everything he cooked tasty even if it was healthy and low in fat and salt.

Since it was just lunch the they ended up doing a quick tomato sauce with pasta. They were almost done by the time the doorbell rang.

“It’s for you,” Even joked.

As Isak went to let Eskild in Even drained the pasta and mixed it with the tomato sauce. He could hear Eskild babbel in the hallway. He had just set the pot on the table when both Eskild and Isak walked into the kitchen.

“Wow, it looks amazing,” Eskild said.

“Thanks,” Even said. “Do you want some?”

Eskild smiled

“Yeah why not. I’ve already eaten but I guess I could eat some more right? When  you are cooking and everything.”

They sat down at the table in the kitchen and begun eating. Eskild ended up telling them a story about a new co-worker of his that had turned up late three days in a row despite living five minutes away. Even studied Isak as he ate and listened to their friend talking. It was so nice seeing Isak like this. Full of life and with enough energy to keep up with the conversations. Whenever Isak laughed it made Even’s chest burst with happiness and he realised how deeply in love he had fallen with Isak again.

“You’ve got a doctor’s appointment tomorrow, right?” Eskild said. “Do you need me to take you?”

“Yes and no,” Isak said. “Even will take me but thanks anyway.”

Eskild nodded but suddenly the mood had changed slightly. The stakes always felt so high with each of Isak’s appointments and they always managed to throw them off a bit.

“I’m sure it will be fine,” Eskild said. “You’ve been doing well right?”

Isak nodded.

“Yeah, really well,” he said and smiled as he looked over at Even.

“See, then there’s no reason to worry,” Eskild tried but Even didn’t miss the hint of worry in Eskild’s eyes.

-

He and Isak spent most of the night watching Lord of the Rings. Jonas had decided to stay the night with his girlfriend and Even suspected that Isak had had a play in it. They ate ice cream and fruit salad for dessert and had hot chocolate together. The movie was finished a little before 11pm and afterwards the two of them got ready for bed. They brushed their teeth next to each other in front of the huge bathroom mirror and Even made sure Isak had remembered to take his medication before they crawled into bed. Isak’s bed was a small one and ideally, they would have to replace it soon if they wanted to keep sharing. which neither of them had any plans on stopping. It reminded Even of Nissen and Kollektivet and later their first apartment. They had shared a similar bed for the first years of their relationship.

“We need a bigger bed,” he mumbled as he settled down behind Isak and put his arms around him slightly.

“No, we don’t,” Isak mumbled. “This is perfect. It means I get to cuddle you all night.”

“Yeah but you’d do that anyway but then when it gets too hot you and can’t sleep at least you can have some space.”

“But now I have the perfect temperature,” Isak insisted. “Because you are holding me.”

“Yeah because it is February and freezing outside. You won’t be this happy in July,” Even teased.

“Yeah,” Isak said quietly.

“Are you worried about the appointment tomorrow?” Even asked.

“A little,” Isak confessed. “But I guess Eskild is right. There is nothing to worry about. “

“Let’s just focus on this moment for now,” Even said. “Minute by minute.”

-

The next day Even drove Isak to his doctor’s check-up. It was a regular check up to make sure Isak was doing well and that his heart was working properly. It was the third since coming home but Jonas had taken him to the last one. Even knew the deal pretty much. The doctor would take Isak’s blood pressure, draw some blood and take a biopsy of the heart. They would go through Isak’s progress in the last week and talk about the next steps.

The journey there was mostly quiet. Isak kept looking out the window as they drove from the apartment to the hospital. Even drummed his fingers against the steering wheel nervously the whole time.

“You nervous?” Even asked as they parked the car in the parking lot.

“A bit,” Isak mumbled.

Even found Isak’s hand and squeezed it tightly in his.

“It will be fine,” he said. “We are in this together, right?”

Isak smiled gingerly and leaned forward and kissed Even’s lips softly.

“Yeah, we are,” he said.

They walked hand in hand across the parking lot and into the huge building. By now both of them knew how to find their way to the clinic in their sleep so it didn’t take them long before they were sitting down in the waiting room. Luckily it didn’t take long before it was their turn.

“How are you doing today, Isak?” the doctor said from where he sat behind his computer screen.

“Okay, I guess,” Isak said and looked down at his hands that were resting on his lap.

Even put his hand on Isak’s knee.

“No chest pain, fever or dizziness?”

“No,” Isak said, shaking his head firmly.

“That’s good,” the doctor said. “And you have been taking your medicine every day?”

Isak nodded.

The doctor asked a few more questions before it was time for the physical examination and they moved to the bed where Isak sat down on the mattress covered with paper.

“You don’t have to stay,” Isak mumbled awkwardly as the doctor was about to start the examination.

“It’s okay,” Even said firmly from where he stood next to the bed.

“Okay,” Isak mumbled.

The doctor drew some blood, checked Isak’s temperature and blood pressure before it was time to listen to his lungs and heart. Isak looked uncomfortable as Even helped him remove his shirt.

Jonas usually helped Isak take care his incision site because for some reason Isak was unwilling to let Even see his chest without the bandage which had been removed earlier. Even didn’t know why. After all, he had seen it in the hospital when the nurses had dressed it and showed them how to take care of it.  Even had offered to help him a few times but Isak had refused and only let Jonas or Eskild do it for him. It hurt a little that Isak wasn’t comfortable enough around him for some reason.

Isak didn’t look at him as the doctor listened to his heart and lungs before prodding his chest but grimaced slightly in pain when the doctor’s fingers pressed on his still healing chest.

“It seems that you are healing nicely,” the doctor concluded a few minutes later. “It will be another two weeks or so before your breast bone has healed completely and until then you should continue to take it easy with no heavy lifting and no driving. Other than that, everything looks good. You just need to keep doing your physical therapy and take walks to build your strength, keep eating healthy as you have been doing and just take things one day at a time.”

“How about going outside?” Even asked. “I mean we have been outside on walks and stuff. But I mean in public where there are lots of other people. Is it too soon?”

“I’d still recommend you stay out of crowds and public transportations because of flu season but it shouldn’t be a problem to get out in public.” the doctor answered. “Just make sure to keep a good hygiene and you should be fine.”

Even nodded. He didn’t want to take Isak out more than necessary, but he knew Isak was getting fed up with just walking around the block and go in the car to the hospital and back.

“And how about friends?” Isak asked. “So far I’ve not had many people visit. Can I have them over now?”

“You can. As long as they are not sick. Even a cold is bad at this point so if they are sick or have been sick recently, I would suggest you wait a bit.”

Isak nodded quietly and looked down again.

As they left the hospital ten minutes later Even could feel the tension disappear from Isak as his grip on Even’s hand wasn’t as strong as when they had walked to the appointment. He knew how scary these appointments were for Isak just like they were terrifying for himself.

“Ready to go home?” he asked. “Or do you want to go somewhere?”

Isak looked at him.

“Do you have anywhere in mind?” he asked.

“Anywhere really,” Even said. “We’ve not been out for real and I know you’ve been wanting to.  The doctor said it was okay. Maybe we could have a coffee or something?”

“Yeah,” Isak said. “That sounds good.”

-

They ended up taking the car home and then walk to the closest Kaffebrenneriet which was just a few blocks away. It was a small one which usually wasn’t as busy as the bigger ones. Isak grabbed a table for them and Even ordered them a black coffee each and a cinnamon bun for them to share.

Isak kept being quiet just like he had been all day. At first Even had just thought it was because Isak was nervous about the check-up but even now Isak was more quiet than usual, even for him.

“Is everything alright?” Even asked gently. “You are being quiet.”

Isak shrugged.

“Just thinking,” he said.

“About what?” Even said and sipped on his coffee.

“About us.”

That was not really what Even was expecting to be the source of Isak’s quietness.

“What about us, baby?” he asked, trying to lighten the mood.

“Are you planning on going back to Copenhagen soon?” Isak asked. “I mean Jonas is back at uni full speed, Eskild is working like normal and my dad, well he is my dad. It just makes sense for you to return to your life too. I’m doing better and I’m healing.”

“I guess I’ve not thought about it,” Even said. “I don’t want to go back to Copenhagen. I thought we talked about this.”

He knew he was sounding a little desperate, but he just didn’t know what this was coming from or why having this conversation with Isak made him so anxious.

“We’ve not talked about it, though,” Isak said. “It’s been five weeks since the surgery and you’ve been here ever since.  You can’t put your life on hold forever. What about your new projects and your movies? You have to go back eventually. You have an apartment there for god sake. “

“Yeah but I told you a friend of mine is looking after it. He waters the plants and checks the mail box once a week. No plant will die or be harmed,” Even joked in an attempt to lighten the mood.

Isak did not laugh.

“You know what I mean…” he sighed.

“Yeah but I want to be here with you,” Even said.

“I want you to be here too,” Isak replied softly. “I just mean that you don’t have to be here 24/7. I’m doing a lot better now and you should be able to go back to Denmark to sort things out or start working on your new movie. You can’t stop working just for me.”

“I don’t know, Isak…” Even said.

“Please, Even!” Isak interrupted. “I can’t have you sacrifice everything you have worked so hard for just because you want to be with me. I don’t want you to resent me for it later. Especially when we got back together  so quickly.”

“I won’t Isak. I could never resent you. I’m here because I want to be here. I’m being here for me and because I love you.”

“Okay,” Isak said after a few moments of silence. “I just want to make sure you know you can do things for you too. Like take a weekend or week to go back and visit friends. Or go stay with your parents for a few days. I love you too, but I don’t want you to grow tired of me.”

“I’m not going to grow tired of you,” Even smiled. “That’s impossible.”

-

A week later Even cursed himself for taking up Isak’s suggestion to stay with his parents for a few days. They had been thrilled of course to have him because despite being back home for over a month, he had made painfully little time for them or his friends. He had Isak had talked some more in the evening after returning from the Kaffebrenneriet and Even had looked in to going to Copenhagen at the end of the month or early March. He had also gone to his parents’ house and stayed there for the last couple of days. As hard as it was leaving Isak he knew Isak was being looked after by Eskild and Jonas and it was probably good for them to spend some time apart.

That was until he woke up in the morning with a sore throat and a congested nose, meaning that he could not go back to Isak’s before he was better. He would never risk Isak’s health, but he hated that he was now trapped here for another couple of days until his cold got better. He even cried a little in the bathroom once his mom had gone do work.

“I’m sorry baby,” Isak said softly through the phone. “I wish I could be there and take care of you.”

“Me too,” Even said and fought back tears again.

His sore throat, thick head and overall tiredness made him feel extra prone to cry and hearing Isak’s voice made it impossible not to. He swallowed thickly.

“Don’t cry, baby” Isak said. “You’ll be fine. Do you feel really bad? Do you need Eskild to come by?”

Even managed to laugh.

“I’ll be fine! I just miss you so much! This is your fault.  You told me to go visit them and now mom probably made me sick.”

Isak laughed on the other end of the phone.

“I’m sorry. But don’t blame your mom. You didn’t yell at her right?”

“No. I just cried in the bathroom after she had left for work,” Even laughed. “And now again just hearing your voice.”

“But we’ll see each other soon,” Isak said. “Colds don’t last long. Magnus was going to visit too but he has the stomach flu. Just be glad it’s not that.”

“That makes me feel a bit better,” Even said and coughed into his elbow.

“I’ll hang up now and let you rest,” Isak said. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” Even said.

-

Just like Isak had expected Even felt better a few days later and he was back at the apartment with Jonas and Isak.

He had spent his days away from Isak doing some research and trying to come up with a plan that enabled him to stay mostly in Oslo but still work with what he loved. Before everything with Isak he had had meetings with big names in the industries for a new movie but when everything had happened it had sort of been put to the side and in the last month, he had not thought about it once. He needed to do something though. Maybe now was the time to start thinking about that project again. If people were still interested in working with him.

“What are you doing?” Isak asked as he walked into the living room where Even sat on the sofa and typed on his computer.

He sat down next to him and handed Even a cup of coffee.

“Just sending a few emails to a few peoples. For work,” Even said absently.

“Oh, that’s good,” Isak said.

“Remember the project I told you about back in September? The one that was going to be my next movie?”

Isak nodded.

“When I was sick, I thought about it a bit. I figured you were right that I need to do something. I want to do something. I just need to look into possibilities of doing it here. Where we can be together.”

“Okay,” Isak said. “Want to tell me about it?”

Even finished his last email and shut the laptop.

“The last movie I made was about drug addicts. And it really opened my eyes to that part of the world. How vulnerable some people are and how horrible their lives have been. Like some of them have experienced horrible things that has made them do what they do. And they live in horrible conditions away from the rest of society and people look at them as if they are worth less and people talk about them as if they are dirty. And some of them suffer from mental illness too. Only they haven’t been so lucky. They never had the support network I had. They are lonely and broken.”

Isak looked at him with fondness in his eyes.

“Anyway, I think maybe I want to focus on that for my next movie. When I was younger I thought of focused on all the bad with being bipolar and it’s still hard and sometimes I got stuck with the mentality that it was unfair that it happened to me. But I’ve never really thought about the fact that I still have a family and friends and support around me and that other people aren’t as lucky and that they are left outside of society to an extent. That’s not fair.”  

Isak patted him on the cheek.

“You are so amazing,” he said.

“You think?” Even asked. “Do you think it would be a good movie?”

“I’m sure it would,” Isak said. “Everything you put your heart into is good.”

“Well it’s just early days right now,” Even said. “I was planning on doing it in Copenhagen, but I should be able to do it here too.”

“Whatever you do I’ll support you,” Isak said.

“What about you?” Even said. “Have you thought about going back to uni or what are your plans when you get better?”

Isak leaned back on the couch.

“I don’t think I’ll go back before autumn. But I can probably start again then. Until then I don’t know. I should be able to get a job in the summer. Probably before then even and then just take it from there. Eskild said he can talk to his boss so.”

Even nodded.

“We’ll be fine!” he said and kisses Isak’s temple.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked it. Thank you for reading. Feel free to leave a comment :)


	3. March

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry it's been so long :/ my life has been a bit intense the last month and a half and to be fair I have posted to other stories. One in its entirety for the big bang and one with is just started. Anyway we are halfway through this short fic :) 
> 
> I hope someone still wants to read it even when it's been so long! Thank you all for leaving kudos and comments. It means the world to me to know that someone likes what I write and takes the time to tell me <3

-March-

Even went back to Copenhagen the first week of March. He really couldn’t put it off any longer even if he’d rather stay in Oslo with Isak. He had a few meetings planned with a couple of producers and was going to see two different candidates to rent his apartment. He had decided to put off selling it until he knew what the future would hold for him and Isak. They had talked about the possibilities of moving there together eventually but right now they were focused on Isak’s recovery and the possibilities of him starting uni again in autumn. It would mean a few years in Oslo but after everything Isak had been through the last thing Even wanted to do was moving him away from his home.

Isak was doing well. His chest had healed completely had he was allowed to drive and start exercising properly again to regain his strength. He worked together with a psychical therapist and every weekend he and Even went to long walks together. In only a month Isak had gotten so much stronger and he no longer had to nap during the day. He continued to gain weight and muscle and he looked healthier and healthier every day.  He still went on check ups every week at the hospital but soon the visits would be spread out to once every other week. Even had been with Isak to every one of them and now would be the first were he couldn’t accompany Isak. Instead it was Eskild who was going to take Isak to his appointment this afternoon and Even would be busy in a meeting with one of the producers he had contacted nearly a month ago. He felt nervous as he checked the time for the third time in an hour. It was still three more hours until his meeting begun and almost four until Isak’s appointment.

He had spent the morning cleaning the apartment to make it ready for the two candidates that would come tomorrow. He hoped one of them would be fit. He and Isak had spent several hours picking out who Even would meet when he was in Copenhagen. He needed someone who was reliable since he wouldn’t even be in Copenhagen himself most of the time. The first candidate was a 40 year old male who had recently divorced from his wife. He was a businessman and worked in the city center of Copenhagen, didn’t have any children or pets. The other was a woman in her 30’s who was moving from Malmö to Copenhagen. Now he could only hope than one of them was going to be a match.

 **From Isak <3**  
Good luck on your  
meeting today!  
I believe in you <3  
I love you

 **To Isak <3**  
Thank you! I’ll  
call you once it’s  
done. Love you too.  
Hope your your app-  
ointment goes well!

To be honest, Even was more nervous and worried about Isak’s check up than his own meeting. Even if was doing as well as anyone could expect it was still nerv wrecking every time it was time for a check up. The doctor would look for signs that Isak’s body could be rejecting his heart despite the medicine that Isak was on and was going to be on for the rest of his life. If that happened? Even didn’t even dare to think about it.

-

Even couldn’t help but feel a little disappointed as he left the meeting. It had gone okay. The producer, who Even had worked with before had liked the initial idea but he had not been so adamanant of moving things to Oslo instead of keeping the production in Denmark. Even knew it wouldn’t be easy to get everyone onboard with such a major change but he had to keep trying. The months it would take with pre production, and filming was way too long to be away from Isak, even if they could probably see each other during the weekends. If everything went according to plan filming would probablys start several months from now but Even wanted to be with Isak when he started uni again. He wanted to be with Isak as much as he could. But he also needed another project. He could always look for jobs at NRK or even look at opportunities to have workshops and the university in Oslo. He was used to take different kinds of jobs in between his projects but now that his last film had gained recognition he probably wouldn’t need to take that many odd jobs. At least if he was prepared to go with the producers idea and keeping the whole production in Copenhagen. If he was prepared to be away from Isak that long.

He decided to walk back home, despite it being early March it was sunny and warm outside, something he would miss if he moved to Oslo permanently. Spring came to Copenhagen much faster and Even loved how full of life the streets became once the cold winter started to disappear. He had only walked a few blocks when is phone started to ring and as he brought out his phone he saw the photo of Isak appear on the screen. With a smile he accepted the call.

“Hey,” he said cheerfully.

“Hi!” Isak said. “How did the meeting go?”

“I don’t know,” Even sighed. “He didn’t understand why I wanted to move things to Oslo because you know, all the contacts are basically here and everything…”

“Well he kind of has a point,” Isak said softly.

“Yeah I know…I just don’t want to think about what it would mean to do it here. It would be so many months away from you and I want to be with you all the time. Especially when you are starting uni again.”

“But you can’t throw away this opportunity,” Isak tried stubbornly. “If the project needs to happen in Denmark to make it the best it could be you should consider it.”

“I know,” Even said.

They had talked about it countless of times over the course of the last few weeks. Isak was stubborn and adamant that Even needed to follow his dreams not let Isak stand in the way. Even was just as determined that the right thing for him was to be with Isak.

“What would you have done if you and I weren’t a couple?” Isak asked on the other end.

“It doesn’t matter, Isak,” Even said. “We are a couple and I love you and that’s all that matters.”

“But if?” Isak continued stubbornly.

“I’d do the film,” Even said absentmindedly as he walked down the street looking at the windows of the shops he past.

“See, I am holding you back. Or you are holding yourself back because of me.”

“It’s not if I do what I feel is right for me,” Even said. “We’ve talked about this. I’ve told you I don’t want to be away from you that long.”

“I just don’t want you to regret it later,” Isak said. “I know you are worried about things but I’m doing fine. The check up went fine and there is nothing wrong.”

“That’s good,” Even said and smiled. “Look, can’t we talk when I get back? I don’t want to have an argument about this over the phone.”

“Yeah okay,” Isak said. “I need to go. Eskild has to go back to work and I’m driving him.”

“Is he letting you drive?” Even teased. “Wow, he’s brave.”

“Fuck you,” Isak said. “I’ll talk to you later.”

“Bye”

“Bye, love you,”

“I love you too!”

-

Two days later he landed in Oslo again. He had spent the rest of his visit in Copenhagen having a meeting with another producer and then met with the two candidates for the apartment. Hopefully the 40 year old man would be able to move in the first of April. Now all Even needed to to do was hire a moving firm. He felt impatient as the plane taxed into the right gate. Apart from when he had been sick last month this was the longest he had gone without seeing Isak since Isak’s transplant and he couldn’t wait to see him again and get to hug him and kiss him. He practically flew out of his seat the second the seat belt sign was turned off and stepped into the aisle to take his small cabin bag from the overhead compartment. Isak was waiting for him in the arrivals hall, looking beautiful and handsome, his smiling lighting up his all face as soon has he spotted Even walking out of the doors.

“Hey,” Even said as they kissed and  hugged each other tightly and Isak pressed his nose into his neck.

“Hey,” Isak answered, “I missed you so much.”

“I missed you too and I’m so glad to be home with you again,“ Even said as they begun walking towards the exit hand in hand.

It felt weird having Isak drive him again. It would be the first time since Even had taken a cab to the airport to get his early flight. Isak had never liked driving but now he seemed to enjoy being able to again. He was singing along to the songs that played on the radio and bopped his head to the beat of the music.

“You are happy,” Even commented warmly and reached for Isak’s right hand.

“Yeah, I am,” Isak smiled.

Even brought Isak’s hand to his lips and kissed it.

“I’m happy too,” he said.

-

It was just the two of them for dinner that evening. Jonas was staying at Ella’s place again which happened more and more regularly. They hadn’t talked about their living arrangements in a while but Even suspected that Jonas wasn’t ready to move out fulltime just yet. After all Jonas had lived with and taken care of Isak since he got sick and up until recently he had barely spent a night away from Isak. But Isak was improving everyday and would soon begin to work again and the grocery store where Eskild worked. Then in autumn he would be back at uni full time. If everything went well and there weren’t any complications.

It was a worry they all shared but rarely talked about. With every check up the risks of rejection decreased but only after about six months would the risks be so small that Even would be able to relax. Even found himself religiously making sure that Isak took his medication every morning and that the food he cooked for them was well balanced, healthy and low in sodium. He watched out to make sure Isak slept through the nights, or at least got a decent amount of hours of sleep every night. When they went on their walks or he accompanied Isak to the gym he silently documented Isak’s progress. If Isak coughed or sneezed he found himself instantly tensing up. He wasn’t the only one. Jonas and Eskild were just as bad and even if they all tried to hide it from Isak there was no doubt that Isak noticed and Even knew it made Isak feel frustrated to have everyone in life babying him. It was just hard not to, even if Even knew all too well how much it could hurt when people tried to monitor you. Therefor he tried to make it lighthearted, tried to make them take their medication at the same time and joked about how they all weren’t teenagers anymore and needed to think about what they ate. It was one of the things he had appreciated the most with his and Isak’s relationship, especially in the beginning. Isak had never tried to baby him in any way, he had looked after Even but always making sure that it was on Even’s terms and never tried to control him. Now it was Even’s turn to return the favour.

“This was nice,” Isak commented once they had finished eating. “Never really had tacos with fish before,”

“No?” Even said. “I’m glad you liked it.”

“Yeah, we should do it more often,” Isak said with a smile. “Maybe invite Eskild over for dinner. I think he would like it too.”

“You are probably right about that,” Even said. “Wanna move to the couch? We could watch another episode of Dark if you want?”

“Okay!” Isak said. “I just need to call my dad first. If you want to I can take care of the dishes while I talk to him and I’ll meet you in the couch in 20 minutes?”

Even smiled.

“It is a date,” he said.

-

A couple of weeks passed. Isak begun working at the grocery store and Even held a few workshops at university in Oslo. He would soon have to make a decision on what he wanted to do with his new documentary. If he wanted to make it with a bigger budget, Copenhagen would be the only option, that much was clear. But he had had meetings with lesser known photographers and producers in Oslo but while his last documentary had been a success it wasn’t enough to make it happen in such a big scale if he wanted to stay in Norway. Him and Isak had not talked about it since Even came back. Not really because every time they tried they would end up having an argument about with which was the last thing either of them wanted. Isak wanted Even to pursue his career, didn’t want Even to say no to something that could boost his career further because of his reluctance to be away from Isak. Isak was scared that Even would end up resenting him and it was probably a valid fear with how they had ended up before. Even just couldn’t find the right words to make Isak understand why it was important for him to stay close to Isak. Not without Isak thinking he was monitoring him or not trusting him to look after himself.

“I don’t know how to make him understand why I’m making the decision I’m making,” Even sighed.

He and Jonas were watching tv together. Isak was having a night shift and wouldn’t be home in a few hours.

“He’s stubborn,” Jonas says. “He’s just made it up in his mind that you are going to regret things later.”

“But how is that fair?” Even complained. “I can make my own decisions and handle the consequences. I wish he would trust me when I tell him I’m doing it for me.”

“Yeah but he hate the thought of being a burden to people. And I don’t think that feeling will go away anytime soon. He hates himself for putting all of us though all that pain and worry. He hates that he made us trapped and he doesn’t want that for any of us. He’s trying to make me move in with Ella because he is determined that it is the right decision for me and because he feels guilty that I’ve had to take care of him so much. But like, I’m not sure I want that right now. Hell maybe ella and I are not ready to move in together period. But Isak, he’s just scared that people will feel like they have lost so much because of him that they will end up hating him. And that’s why he pushes people in all kinds of directions.”

“I wish he didn’t” Even said. “I’m tired of having the same conversations over and over again.”

“And you are sure that you want to stay here? Even if you wouldn't have to go back to Copenhagen full time until autumn?”

“I think so,” Even said. “You probably think I’m crazy for turning down the offer like this but I’ve thought about it a lot.”

“I won’t judge you,” Jonas said. “I know what it is like to worry about Isak, I’m worried about him everyday. When I think that fear is gone I hear him cough or it is time for his check up, and then I get anxious and worked up, thinking that something will be wrong. I look out for symptoms every day.”

“Will it get better?” Even said.

“Yeah I think so,” Jonas said. “After six months the risk of rejection gets significantly lower and the stronger he gets the less risk their is that he will get another infection that he will have to be hospitalised for. But worrying about loved ones is natural.”

“I guess,” Even sighed.

-

As March moved along there was something that Even noticed. Isak rarely let him see his chest. He wouldn’t let Even shower with him and when he would get dressed he would turn away from Even so Even couldn't see him. It was just in the dark that Isak felt comfortable enough to be shirtless.  They had only recently started to have sex again but when they did Isak kept his shirt on and every time Even’s fingers moved underneath it and neared the scar Isak had tensed up and moved Even’s hands to his hips instead. In fact most of Isak’s reluctance to show his chest had started when they had started to be more intimate with each other.  The scar was healing and the stitches were long gone but still Isak refused to let Even see it. At first Even had given Isak time but now that it had been so long he couldn’t help but growing frustrated with Isak. He wanted Isak to know how beautiful he was inside and out and how much Even loved every inch of his body.

“Want to take a shower together?” he whispered into Isak’s ear.

“I’m already late,” Isak said, clearly a lie and Even couldn’t help but feel disappointed.

He watched Isak crawl out of bed and grab his clothes from the wardrobe. A few minutes later he could hear the shower run.

“I love you,” Isak said and kissed Even gently on the cheek as they said goodbye to each other a little later, after both of them had taken their separate showers.

“I’ll see you tonight,” Isak continued with a small smile.

“Yeah,” Even nodded. “I love you!”

-

“Could you look away please?” Isak begged with a trembly voice a few days later.

It was time to go to bed again and Isak was about to get out of his shirt. It was dark in the room and the only source of light was the lamp on the nightstand but apparently that was enough to make Isak feel uncomfortable.

“Why, Isak?” Even asked gently. “What’s the matter with all this?”

“Just please, Even?” Isak pleaded. “I’m tired.”

“Not until you tell me what is going on?” Even said.

“Nothing is going on,” Isak said as he sunk down on the bed and hugged his body with his arms.

“I don’t think that’s true,” Even said and reached out to pat Isak’s back. “Why won’t you let me see your chest, baby?”

Isak was quiet for a little while, his lip trembling.

“I don’t want you to think I’m repulsive,” he said without looking at Even.

“I’d never think that, Isak,” Even said. “You are so beautiful.”

“I don’t feel like I am. I’m still to skinny and pale, and the scar is disgusting. I don’t want you to have to look at it or feel it when we have sex. I don’t want you to ever have to see it. It’s ugly.”

“No, baby,” Even said sadly.

Isak let out a sob and Even gathered him in his arms. He pressed a kiss to Isak’s hair and stroked his arm gently.

“Let’s lie down,” Even said, and moved behind Isak and wrapped his arm around Isak’s waist.

Isak continued to cry silently and Even kissed his neck.

“Listen to me, Isak!” he said, “Nothing about you is ugly or disgusting. I love every part of you. And your scar it is not ugly or scary to look at. It won’t make me feel repulsed by you. It’s part of who you are now. Just like that beauty mark above your lip. If anything it is a reminder on how strong and brave you are to have gone through all you have gone through. When I look at it that’s what I’ll think, okay? If I even get to think any of that with how handsome and sexy you are.”

Isak chuckled slightly but it came out like half a sob.

“I will never pressure you into anything,” Even said. “But I don’t want you to hide anything from be because you are scared I won’t find you beautiful. I want you to love yourself though. Just like I love you so, so much.”

“I just hate it sometimes,” Isak murmured. “Because it reminds me of how scared I used to be. And sometimes I feel so guilty you know. Because someone had to die so I could live and it doesn’t feel fair.”

“I’m so sorry,” Even said. “I hate that you feel that way.”

“I don’t want you to feel like that when you look at it,” Isak said.

“All I could ever feel is grateful that I get to be with you again,” Even said softly.

“Even?” Isak whispered and turned his head to look t him. “I love you so much.”

“I love you too,” Even said.

Isak turned his whole body towards him and grabbed Even’s wrist. He slowly guided it underneath his shirt, letting Even’s hand rest against the delicate skin. Even could feel Isak’s heart race in his chest. For a few seconds he let his hand rest right above Isak’s heart. The he begun to move his fingers over the bumpy scar tissue.

“Is this okay?” he whispered.

Isak closed his eyes and nodded, another tear escaping from his eye.

“You are so beautiful,” Even continued.

Slowly Isak sat up slightly and removed his t-shirt before sinking down on his back. Careful, as to not overwhelm him Even moved up to kiss Isak’s lips. Then slowly he moved down Isak’s neck.

“Is this okay?” he mumbled waiting for Isak’s approval before he let his lips peck the skin just above the scar.

Isak let out a small sob as Even continued to kiss the uneven skin in the middle of his chest.

“You are so beautiful,” Even whispered. “So beautiful and I love you so much.”

Isak’s back arched slightly as Even moved further down with his lips, placing his hands on Isak’s hips.

-

“You are amazing,” Even said a little while later.

Isak was back at lying with his head on Even’s chest their fingers intertwined on the mattress next to them. Isak pressed a kiss to Even’s skin, and Even could feel him smiling.

“You are amazing,” Isak said. “Thank you for being so patient with me all the time. I feel like I don’t even deserve you.”

“Don’t say that…” Even said.

“You have been so good with me though, and I can’t help but feeling like I don’t deserve it because all I can think about was all those years ago just before we broke up. If I had been more patient things would be so different. If I had been better for you.”

“That’s not all of it though,” Even said. “We were different people back then. Younger. I was more reckless and I made stupid and selfish decisions. I didn’t think about you or anyone else. I just wanted to feel like I was like all my friends. I don’t blame you for the break up, We weren’t good for eachother at the end. Maybe you could have picked a better time, maybe it wouldn’t have mattered. You did your best and what happened afterwards was not your fault either. It wasn’t your fault that I tried to kill myself. I know people told you that but it is not true. It was much more than that.”

“I still wish I hadn’t left you like that.” Isak said. “I’ll be sorry all my life for that.”

“Yeah, and I’ve forgiven you a long time ago. And I’m over it. We are older now, and smarter. What happened then is in the past, right? We can’t change that. It has happened. But we can live right now and focus on all the good things we have right now.”

“And if things go bad?” Isak says. “If I screw up again or we start fighting all the time? Or If I get sick again? What if-”

“We are not going to think about that right now,” Even said. “We are going to live in this moment right now. And we are going to take everything day by day. Minute by minute if we have to.”

“Okay,” Isak whispered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! Things are getting better little by little but they still have unresolved issues to deal with. But they are trying to focus on taking things one day at a time.

**Author's Note:**

> I really hope you liked it! Half of this chapter has been a draft on my computer for ages but today I got a nice comment which made me want to pick it up again and I did. I had so much fun and it resulted in this. 
> 
> If you liked it, it would mean alot if you left a comment or a small kudos <3 
> 
> Thank you so much for reading <3


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